I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I did a line of coke with my ex tonight. Talk about memories
Randomize
