If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
I saw this news story about two naked Satanists being arrested so I thought I should ask if you need bail money or pants
He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
Randomize
