I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
Randomize
