Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Randomize
