allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
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