I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I think she's perpetually drunk
It's all she knows
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Rumble strips road head = magical
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
Randomize
