Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
