It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
There's always time for handjobs
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Can you please stop fucking every bartender in the city? Just once I want to have a Jack and Coke without fielding questions about your availability.
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
Day drunk. He was sitting in the back seat, opened the door, leaned out, and peed right there in the dutch bros drive through. No one even noticed haha
Sorry I threw up all over your Lyft.
It's ok I woke up next to a dumpster.
Randomize
