made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
someone just broke into my class and invited everyone to the bar ...now we're filling out a police report. awesome.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Dennis picked up a 50 year old woman. Then he and Dan got in a fight and jumped out of the limo. No one knows what happened to them.
Randomize
