Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
That's when you crack a 10am beer
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
That's right. I did.
You are the saddest 25 year old gay man I've ever had the displeasure of knowing.
someone needs to name a hurricane after you
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
