drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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