My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
What the hell was that?
Genius. It was sheer genius.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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