his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
so my phone autocorrects 'retard' to 'retaaahd'. i LOVE being a masshole!
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
Update: just imagined being dirty talked to in an Irish brogue and I think my vagina became a sentient being.
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
I just threw up into a baby carriage. There was a baby in it.
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