YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
It's nice to see a girl prepared for the walk of shame. She brought headphones
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Apparently it is frowned upon to ask the bouncer to stop pointing his flashlight in your face and step back so you can puke....and then do it
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Divorce can be hard, but look on the bright side. Your soon to be ex raved about your dick and I’m great with hard things ;-)
Randomize
