Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Liar. My heart is broken and my boobs are disappointed.
That's too much drama for once a month dick... that's in-house dick drama only
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
Well, the night started out with you ALMOST falling out of a tree. Then we went back to the tree after about 9 shots and you DID fall out of the tree.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
