I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
well in DOG beers, i've only had one
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
HOW DID I LET MYSELF GET SUCKED IN HE HAS A PENIS FOR PETE'S SAKE.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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