fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
Randomize
