The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
The number of mornings I actually have to say out loud to myself "you must put pants on and go to work" to get motivated is...troubling.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
My cat is watching me play with my new vibrator
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I need to get some goddam control over my hormones
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
