he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
My third nipple is alarmingly under-appreciated.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize