break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
