lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
You really need to take down the pics of you and your boyfriend on facebook. It's becoming increasingly harder to jerk off while i'm Facebook stalking your pics at 2am.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
