I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
i think i scared a bird with my dick
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Thanks for letting me rent out your vagina rec room. I don't expect the security deposit back.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
