Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
I just walked by that girl who tried to commit suicide over me in high school. That was weird.
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Young lesbians are the worst. And also what got me through high school, sooooo
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
Randomize
