hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
Randomize