I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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