youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Is it too early to say this year has been a blur?
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
