well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Bored at work. googling vodka waffles.
Def over. He sent me a nude selfie but cropped it right above his junk. Total Silence of the Fucking lambs looking.
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
