living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
he swears he got herpes from a bowl of soup
I'm at about main and main street
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Randomize
