this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
ITS DAYLIGHT SAVINGS TIME SUNDAY EVERYTHING IS GOING TO BE OK AFTER ALL
dude he was laying on two half-naked chicks, as they rubbed him down with lotion, while rolling a joint. hes like a modern-day african king
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
I broke another vibrator the other day. Abstinence is not for me.
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
The couple in the apartment next to mine are both opera singers. I’m never sure if I’m hearing them banging or doing vocal warm-ups.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
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