you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize