is it true you fucked a yoga instructor last night??! ..and let me know if you want me to post that question on your facebook so kelly can see how happy you are without her
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
and yes, the jail cell in Citi Field does have a big Mets symbol in it
This is the prime rib incident all over again
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
There are twenty thousand men on this campus, please have sex with someone who isn't my drug dealer
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
Randomize
