How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I party with great urgency now.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
