We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
