Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
It was like riding a jackhammer on a train during an earthquake. THAT amazing.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
SO EXCITED ABOUT STRING CHEESE RIGHT NOW
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
So apparently I’m into choking now
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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