Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
in case you blackout.. this is confirmation that yes, you were sitting spread eagle on the kitchen floor chugging pickle juice out of the jar.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
She described me as " a caterpillar of adorable quietness that exploded into a slutty butterfly" She definitely nailed it there
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
you were acting out moves from the wwe, in a dress. then you sceamed "you can't see me" and ran out of the apt.
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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