drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
not only was there glitter in the toilet after i peed, but there was some on the toilet paper after i wiped. this cant be healthy.
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
