thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Randomize
