Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
