and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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