did you make any bad decisions?
many, i pretty much fell in love with a freshman...it doesn't get much better than that
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
Dude I'm at a Marijuana dispensary party. They are giving away BAGS of edibles
How do you keep ending up in these situations?
My dad is their accountant
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
Mike Pence got the fuck boy eyes though
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
Randomize
