It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
It's a line of coke at 10 a.m. kind of Saturday. Don't be a pussy about life.
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Randomize
