the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Its safe now. But... Nobody should sleep on my bed tonight.
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