I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Just got judged by the front desk clerk, 2 maids and a security guard at the Sheraton. I've decided to use this as a character building experience.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
