You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
It was a new level of awkwardness and terror. The high schoolers you fuck in the summer should never introduce themselves to your mom and godmother
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
Nope not happening. When I close my eyes the floor moves. I'm going to enjoy this free roller coaster.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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