This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the "happy anniversary" cake for my mom and dad is about to turn into the "yeah, that's a hickey, welcome back from italy" cake.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
Randomize
