hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
you realize that if you hadn't mouthed "we're getting laid tonight", i wouldn't have woken up with your ex this morning. just sayin
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize