The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Somehow last night, my dad got me so drunk that I ended up throwing up on the couch, turning the cushions over to hide it, and going to sleep on them.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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