She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
Randomize
