Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Is it uncouth to have a themed intervention? I know how much you like Star Wars.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
