Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
of course. lets lasso hookers.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Randomize
