I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Anyone who does not consider cereal and wine as a balanced breakfast needs to leave immediately.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
