4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Just puked most of my soul out..
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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