I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
Guess who isn't pregnant with a random sex ocean baby?!?!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
I think we might need a safe word for this...
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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