So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
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