Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Before he took my jeans off all he said was "no hard feelings from middle school right?"
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
Randomize
