Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
Randomize
