He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
You told him you loved him!?
I mean if he translated "Zi luve ku" as that then yes.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
Randomize
