You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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