Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
no, he came in my armpit
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
