It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
You sat on a wall pretending to be a gargoyle before shouting "batman!" and jumping at me
I'm the drunk Des Moines deserves, but not the one it needs
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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