Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
A drag queen just ate a dollar out of my ass. I don't know which one of us has hit rock bottom
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