i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
I saw someone get arrested while I was moving out...this has to be a good sign.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
