Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I am pretty sure I told him the clouds were earth's purest filtration system and that snow was the rarest and most delicious water in the world. My lips are burning because we ate so much.
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
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