Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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