can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
