you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
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