im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I was wearing my get used bookstore shirt when we fucked. Ironic yet appropriate.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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