she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
Would it be cruel if i sold xanax instead of adderall to freshman unfamiliar to the drug-taking profession?
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I hate it when the guy who runs the chicken and waffles truck is convinced that I run a cult.
that is the opposite of a normal text message.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
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