return my video game
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
