I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
I was like a damn cattle dog, I separated all the sheep, I can wing man for anyone on this campus.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
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