I puked a lego.
hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
