Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
Randomize
